Funny Stoner Jokes

Funny Stoner Jokes

Is there anything sweeter than the sound of a stoner's hysterical laughter? Weed smokers are pretty giddy and they’re always seeking out new, stoner jokes to crack up over or to tell their friends in the smoke sesh — what’s better than weed jokes. So when you whip out a list of clean, marijuana jokes and puns, you’re guaranteed to be their new best friend. And when it comes to stoners, the sillier, the better.

If you think you’re the only one trolling the internet for some epic 420 jokes, you’re not alone. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, jokes for stoners is searched for nearly half a million times per month. So we’re here to help you earn weed cred with some stoner approved jokes. Here you’ll find funny stoner jokes for pot smokers to get everyone laughing out loud. Read on and check out the best jokes for stoners! And if you have any jokes you would like to share, leave them in the comments below!

Funny Weed T-Shirts - Magic Leaf Tees

Why did the stoner plant Cheerios?
Because he thought they were donut seeds.

What do you call a stoner who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Why did the stoner put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make some liquid assets.

How do you know when you’re a true stoner?
When your bong gets washed more than your dishes.

Why don’t stoners play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you’re always lost.

What’s a stoner’s favorite thing to wear?

Why did the stoner cross the road?
To get to the other side dish.

What did one stoner say to the other at the party?
This bud’s for you.

How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?

Why don’t stoners make good journalists?
Because they can’t deal with the high pressure.

What do you call a potato that smokes weed?
A baked potato.

Why did the stoner refuse the job?
Because he didn't want to be high-strung.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they prefer to light up.

Why did the stoner bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house.

Why was the stoner’s computer always so slow?
It was too baked.

What do you call a stoner with a job?
An anomaly.

What’s a stoner’s favorite holiday?
4/20, of course!

How do you keep a stoner busy?
Write “flip over” on both sides of a piece of paper.

How do you keep a stoner busy?
Write “flip over” on both sides of a piece of paper.

Two stoned Hippies are walking down a railroad track. One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!" The other Hippie says, "I don't mind the stairs; it's this low fucking handrail that's killing me."

What did the stoner at the party say just before the cops showed up?
Let's blow this joint!

What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party?
Pot Roast.

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend.

He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

What does a stoner do when he sees a space man?
He parks in it, man.

What do you call a stoner with two spliffs?
Double Jointed

What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
Drug Abuse.

What do you call a high lizard?
A mariguana

What do you get when you mix weed and laxatives?
Shits and giggles.

How does a stoner recite Shakespeare?
“Doobie or not doobie.”

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?
They both love to spark up joints.

I told my doctor I was having problems with my joints, he told me to roll them tighter.

What did the frog say when he passed the bong to his frog friend?

Why is a roach clip called a ‘roach clip’?
Because ‘pot-holder’ was already taken.

What do you call it when the blunt burns your shirt?
A pothole.

Leave a comment

All comments are moderated before being published