Funny Stoner Jokes

by Bill Bray on June 23, 2020

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Is there anything sweeter than the sound of a stoner's hysterical laughter? Weed smokers are pretty giddy and they’re always seeking out new, stoner jokes to crack up over or to tell their friends in the smoke sesh — what’s better than weed jokes. So when you whip out a list of clean, marijuana jokes and puns, you’re guaranteed to be their new best friend. And when it comes to stoners, the sillier, the better.

If you think you’re the only one trolling the internet for some epic 420 jokes, you’re not alone. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, jokes for stoners is searched for nearly half a million times per month. So we’re here to help you earn weed cred with some stoner approved jokes. Here you’ll find funny stoner jokes for pot smokers to get everyone laughing out loud. Read on and check out the best jokes for stoners! And if you have any jokes you would like to share, leave them in the comments below!

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I just bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day.
How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. We're stoners, not idiots.
Weed is crazy these days. Buddy handed me a joint and I took a big ole hit, felt something cold on my shoulder, turned around and it was the fucking floor.
Stoner 1: How much weed did the elephant buy from its dealer?
Stoner 2: How much?
Stoner 1: How much what?
Stoner 2: How much weed did the elephant buy from its dealer?
Stoner 1: Dude, I'm pretty sure elephants don't smoke weed.
A stoner sits on the balcony and smokes a fat joint. Suddenly a huge ball of flames rises up before him and vanishes in the sky. "Whoa" he said, as he lights another joint. Again, the flaming ball rises and the stoner watches in awe. After another joint, and another rising, he goes back inside and says to his roommate: "Man, I'm so thirsty right now!" Dude answers: "No wonder, you've been gettin' stoned on the balcony for three days!”
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Two Hippies are hanging out and smoking. One says to the other, "Hey man, if you got a moth ball in your right hand and a moth ball in your left hand, what do you have?" The other says "A BIG fuckin Moth, man!”
Two Hippies are walking along a railroad track, stoned. One Hippie says "This is a really long fuckin staircase, man!" The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, man. It's this fuckin low handrail thats killing me.”
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner? The drunk will run a stop sign, the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
Freewheelin Franklin Freek: “Hello, is this the police?”
Police: “Yes, what do you want?”
Freewheelin Franklin Freek: “I’m calling to report my neighbor Fat Freddy Freekowtski! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
Police: “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the police descend on Fat Freddy Freekowtski’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Fat Freddy and left.
Smoke Em If You Got Em Funny Weed Shirt - Magic Leaf Tees

The phone rings at Fat Freddy’s house.
Freewheelin' Franklin Freek: "Hey, Fat Freddy! Did the police come?”
Fat Freddy: “Yeah!”
Freewheelin' Franklin Freek: “Did they chop your firewood?”
Fat Freddy: “Yep.”
Freewheelin' Franklin Freek: “Happy Birthday, Buddy!”
Why couldn't the life guard rescue the hippy? 
Because he was too far out.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?”

The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke another joint.

After a while the lizard says he has cotton-mouth, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
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At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!”

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
Sorry I'm Stoned Funny Marijuana Shirt - Magic Leaf Tees
How do you know you're a pothead?
You studied five days for a urine test.
What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs?
Double jointed.
What do you get when you eat marijuana?
A pot belly.
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
Because pot holder was taken.
How do you know when you are stoned?
When you are too phoned to stone home.
How do fish party?
They smoke Seaweed.
Why did the pothead plant Cheerios?
He thought they were donut seeds.
What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A pot hole.
How do you know you are a true stoner?
When your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
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What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
The cop.
Why did the stoner cross the street?
His dealer lived on the other side.
How did the pothead burn his ear?
He answered the phone while ironing his clothes.
My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.
I guess my property line wasn't where I thought it was!
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Police Officer: How high are you?
Stoner: No officer, it's "Hi, how are you"!
How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend?
Mary u wanna?

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