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Funny Stoner Quotes

by Bill Bray on June 22, 2020

Looking for some funny, meme-worthy weed quotes and quips? The we've got 'em all here. Feel free to use one or all with your cannabis Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, or Facebook posts! Have one to add? Let us know in the comments section below.

Weed is incredibly bad. You should bring it all to me so I can burn it.
Someone pass Shaggy the baggy so he can roll Scooby a doobie.
If laughter is the best medicine and marijuana makes you laugh, is marijuana the best medicine?
Daughter to be born on 4/20. Wife’s OK with calling her Mary Jane.
I set my standards high. Actually, I do a lot of things high!
I once was here but now I’m nit. I went away to smoke some pot. I put this here to prove a point. Life ain’t shit without a joint!
I don’t always do math. But when I do I’m usually buying weed.
I’m not stoned. I’m verbally medicated.
I’m sorry, my weed is so loud I can’t hear your bullshit!
If weed is ever legalized, I can’t wait to see the commercials!
You say enjoyable, I say enjoy a bowl!
I may not be smoking hot, but I’m damn sure smoking pot!
A friend with weed is a friend indeed!
Smoke good, fuck better, count money, what’s better?
You can’t complain when you’ve got Mary Jane!
Can’t cope? Don’t mope! There’s hope! Smoke dope!
4/20 is national weed day, and 4/21 is national random drug test day!
I’m sorry for my bluntness, but that’s just how I roll!
I’m too busy working on my grass to notice if yours is greener.
Smoking pot is how I deal with insomnia, anxiety, and not being stoned.
I’m just going to keep smoking ’til shit makes sense or I fall asleep.
Why the fuck aren’t marijuana dispensaries call grass stations?
Weed is like a secret society for chill people only.
Save the drama for your mama, it’s time to smoke some marijuana.
When I say hiking, I really mean smoking a shit ton of weed in the woods.
My first bong rip was more special than my first kiss.
My drop of choice is the love I get from Jesus. Just kidding, it’s weed!
I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that bitch up myself!
I occasionally smoke marijuana every single day!
Chicken pot pie, my three favorite things!
Whenever I’m out somewhere, there is a 99% chance I’m thinking about going home and firing up a bowl.
You’re probably a stoner if you’d rather listen to music and smoke than go to a party and drink.
It’s Thanksgiving. Some people bake pies, we bake ourselves.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets.
Marijuana is great! It keeps me from being a complete asshole all day long.
How do I hide that I’m high? Simple! I stay high as fuck all the time. So people just think that’s me, normally.
A true pot head knows exactly how much weed he has left, but has no idea if he turned off the oven.
When I said the company should “go green”, what I meant was we should all smoke joints at work.
We all have a friend that stays high 24 hours a day. If you don’t have a friend like that, it’s because it’s you!
Billy has four joints. He smokes two. what does he have now? Happiness, Billy has happiness!
I’m high on life and weed. Mostly weed though.
Stoner? I prefer the term “cannabis enthusiast”.
I wish people randomly offered me weed as often as middle school health classes said they would.
I had two bowls for breakfast. One was cereal!
People who say that money can’t buy happiness have apparently never used money to buy a sack of weed.
My life is a constant battle between wanting to get high and not wanting to smoke all my weed.
Weed, it’s not just for hippies anymore!
I’m just a social drinker, but I smoke weed like a motherfucker!
Bong hits are always at the top of my to-do list.
Celebrated 4/20 on January 5th because I know how to reduce fractions.
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